Redirecting My Energy

Wow! I can't believe it's already been almost a month since I last blogged. Life has been busy and I haven't made the time to blog and to be incredibly honest, I didn't want to admit defeat or change of plans. I hate being flaky or whatever labels I'm putting on myself...which are probably not true, just the story in my head.

So here is the current situation: I had to give up, let go of, (or maybe more realistically put on hold) starting midwifery school in the Fall. I just couldn't think of a way to come up with the finances since the school is not yet accredited. Meaning I can't get student loans, grants or anything like that until they are. I can't afford school on my doula income and my parents are already paying for my younger brother to go to school...so my options are quite limited at this point. So much so that I threw up my hands and said it'll just have to wait. I also decided to not take my last prerequisite starting next month since I have one client due next week and two more due the end of August. I figured I would be much too busy with my business to succeed in a short and intense course such as Anatomy and Physiology II. Not to mention that I'm also in the thick of getting a divorce and just about to file the first packet of paperwork. (A little bit stressful to say the least.)

Now that it's been a couple of weeks since I've made these decisions I feel much more settled. I have decided it will be much better for myself to focus much of my energy on getting my doula business up and running again. I am typing up handouts for my clients and getting my paperwork organized, making a flier for my business to tack around town(s), and coming up with new business cards and magnets to give to my clients. I'm really excited to be more focused on my business and nurturing it into a thriving doula practice. My goal is to have at least two client due dates a month and I really think that is achievable if I do the right advertising. I still meet so many people who don't know what a doula is and I think that is the first thing to address. The need of all women for support during the childbearing year, whether they choose to have a doula or not. All women need to be nurtured and empowered to make their own educated choices and be fully supported in them.

So spread the word "doula" around, my friends. Tell anyone you know that is pregnant or knows someone who is, that a doula helps in any way the mother needs and that it's incredibly valuable to look into getting a doula for birth and/or post-partum. Their first visit with me is free! Now, onto typing up those handouts...

Midwifery School Fall 2010

About a week ago the midwifery school of my choice emailed me to ask if I would be signing up for my last prerequisite coming up at the end of this Summer and also if I intend to start the three year midwifery program with the 2010 Fall cohort. My stomach flip-flopped and my heart raced. My smile got way too big for my face and I'm sure my eyes were huge as I started at my computer screen. How to answer? What to say? My first response was a definite "Yes! All of it! Sign me up!" and my second was "How the heck am I going to come up with all that money?" I mean, I can make the time commitment. I can do the work. I can attend births as an apprentice, be sleep deprived, do the research, write my papers, be engaged in the on-line classroom, and still balance my family, my partner, and (hopefully) my sanity...but it's really the financial part that gets me. Michelle says, don't worry and there are plenty of ways to get the money for school especially since I am close to being considered a single mother of two young kids with hardly any income to speak of. Sure, I get paid for my work as a doula, but at this point it's not a living wage. It's enough to get groceries, gas and pay a bill occasionally. It will also be a lot easier to get financial assistance once this school is accredited, which will hopefully be soon. I have already met the woman who started the school when I attended the Midwifery Today conference last year in Eugene, Oregon. I actually stayed on her son's couch for those three nights and he and his housemates were VERY sweet and welcoming to me. At that conference I also spoke with one of the women who decides who gets into the midwifery program and she said to just complete my application and do the interview and she was sure I would get in. These things make me quite hopeful that somehow it will work out.

I emailed the school back and told them that I intend to do both; my last prerequisite and start the midwifery program in the Fall. The registrar emailed me back the same day with the list of things I needed to complete in order to apply for the program. I need: two letters of recommendation (that I just sent off to two wonderful and supportive women in my life who agreed to fill out the form), proof of high school graduation (easy), to write a personal essay about why I want to become a Certified Professional Midwife in around 1500 words, to upload a recent picture of myself, and last but not least, complete a 15-30 minute admissions interview over Skype. It all sounds quite doable. I'm thinking I should start on my essay today. Maybe Michelle would do a photoshoot for me so I can get some good recent pictures of myself? I would love to do a photoshoot on one of the beautiful days around here. We have so much beauty on the property with the mountains in the background, the stream, the open fields...pictures in front of our fireplace could be really pretty too.

It's fun and scary at the same time to get this ball rolling. I want to be a midwife so badly! I know this is going to take huge commitment and I understand the enormity of it all. It's one thing to know or think I know what it will be be like and it's another to live it and do it. I believe I have the drive and the passion to see it through. So I'm calling in all the abundance I need to make it happen; health (physical, emotional, and mental), family and friend support, financial, and time. I'm focusing on all of these areas. I will have the abundance I need to persevere and live my dreams. Midwifery school, here I come!